DRACONIAN IMPLEMENTS of OMPHALOSKEPSIS
I beef, I bitch, I bleat; I carp and fuss; I gripe; I grouch and grouse, how I grumble!
Holler I am want to do, kvetch I am known to do; I lament and moan; I murmur, yes
with ample plaint and squawk: have you heard me whimper? I complain and whinge;
I yammer; I make a groovy lemon pie; lemon pie; I jaunt, I galumph, I guffaw, I do;
I don’t ponder; Groovy pie, I make a.
fee fie fo fum.
or is it fea, fi, foe, fumm?
fea makes me both think of tea
and think of rhyming
rhyming makes me think of LEE jeans
and billy, who wore them
I would pay a substantial fee
for a cup of tasty suchong tea
or is it tee, lapsong?
I walk around all day looking for billy
since he’s dead, it’s probably silly
but he did wear LEE jeans.
he was not abnormally mean
people grow old, but it is good to have dreams
to think of all those lost ones, people and whatnot
make them into dreams like little souffle cakes
look at billy, falling asleep in a tree!
I believe in gardens that belong to me
filled with golf accessories, especially tees
RICKY : RICKY
What if I were to put a colon after my name? It would mean, of course, that I would have to say something, or more accurately, was about to say something. It doesn’t mean that I would be saying something important; there is no way of telling that. Sometimes it would be nice if there were. For example, I have also always thought how nice it would be if there were four lights rather than three at the crosswalk: GO, CAUTION, STOP and DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS BEST, IT IS REALLY UP TO YOU.
DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS BEST would give everyone an idea that something interesting was about to happen. There is no way of knowing that with GO, CAUTION, and STOP; you only know that everyone is very careful.
Still, we haven’t really considered what would happen were there to be a colon before my name rather than after. If there were a colon like that, it would be obvious that someone had just said my name. Then I would be compelled to say something, since whoever it was had just said my name, followed by a colon and silence. Perhaps they are waiting for some reply, or statement. Interesting, though, is the assumption that were there to be a colon before or after my name, that I would be saying something very soon. Before my name I would be compelled to say something very interesting, because my name is being thrust into the open, somewhat akin to the experience of a circus cannon. After my name, it would be less dramatic, but still, a degree of drama. I would also want to say something interesting no matter what, because I do want to interest people, even when it isn’t my idea to say anything, but still, I must, my name has been spoken or written and then there is the issue of the colon. It’s funny: in my sentence there are only three lights, but I have never felt that a forth light was necessary. To me, when someone calls my name, I hear the following words: GO, CAUTION, STOP. Together they swirl and always sound more or less like the same thing to me: DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS BEST IT IS REALLY UP TO YOU–and so I say something. Usually, it is not too important. Sometimes it is, but not really. What is more important is that Yes, I finally did it. I said something, I am free, and I feel as light as a bird in flight.
LESS WEIGHT AND MORE SPACE
the chef said all ingredients should be determined
by weight. after all, think of the molecules of space
between two grains of rock salt in a tablespoon.
now think of the molecules of space between two
grains of table salt in a table spoon. more space
there, no? less weight and more space.
now think of the space between your mother and
a hot apple pie. now think of the space between your
mother’s hand and the telephone. now think about
the space between your hand and a telephone.
your heart. think about that. now think about
yourself. you really should think more about
yourself. now think more about your mother
and the desert salt on her lips and your fingers
and the weight of the space between two grains
of anything. now think about the weight of that.
now imagine what it would feel like to fly.
I TURNED MY AND into SAND
And it destroyed my vacation.
Not in the usual way: I still went.
But I had to fly to avoid the oceans
and deserts that I predicted with my
sand. And by fly, I do mean fly, with
wings, my wings, that are golden
and warm like french fries in the
sand. I think I will go to the sky
that’s a good place to relax, I said,
away from the predictable, and into
Ricky Garni is a graphic designer living in Carrboro, North Carolina. His work can be found in EVERGREEN REVIEW, CAMEL SALOON, USED FURNITURE REVIEW, ORION HEADLESS and other places. His latest work, JANUARY, is a sequel to his earlier work, DECEMBER. Although it could be the other way around, with a lot of space in between.