Lord Byron Steam Cleans The Mattress
There’s not a joy illin’ after being x-filed
When the glow of harmony slumps antsy into dreary moods
‘Tis not on youth’s goat heaven to fillet upright promises
But the tender crinkly eyes oblige delusions
Glossary of slang: Illin’ – Sick; X-filed – Jilted; Antsy – Nervous; Goat Heaven – Indulgent Freedom; Filleted – Gutted.
Lord Byron Does A Job Search
Then the mortal coldness is the downer evilling me
It cannot fear for others’ limping fundage-caffled in payments overdue
That heavy chill inborns a janner for us all
And tho’ yo-yo mode, this CV recoils…inglorious
Glossary of slang: Evilling – Menacing; Fundage – Money; Caffled – Entangled; Janner – Chav; Yo-yo – Silly.
Lord Byron Swears At The Satnav
There was in him gaffle cast
As if the worst dicky forenoon emplaced its traps
He stood a stranger to this creepshow haunt
An erring spirit pedigree chum and her in the back
A thing of dark the dementoid enunciator asserted itself
By choice the perils swooshed to the arse-end that’s Wrongturn Lane
Glossary of slang: Gaffle – Defeat; Pedigree Chum – Posh Girl’s Lover; Dementoid – Crazy.
Lord Byron Takes A Move On FB Scrabble
In him inexplicably bunk compliments are prolific
Much to be loved is the catbird seat
Opinion varying on the PC face-slapping, bitter end ghastly
In praise or railing this tot-up’s unmistakably raar
His silence formed alpha-geek emphatic, trouncing
Glossary of slang: Bunk – Unfashionable; Catbird Seat – Place Of Privilege; Raar – Good.
Lord Byron Codes-In Teashop Wi-Fi
Come, blue-eyed Venus back-talk to this pop-up
Didst never your headset oblige eye-dangling goads
Goddess of all Ken dolls, surface hollow or enigmatic
And is, despite these Flashing Harrys, the parking meter calls
And years degenerate into a buffering life
But worse than steer my screen’s radiating page just thwarts
Glossary of Slang: Headset – Attitude; Flashing Harrys – Show Offs.
Christopher Barnes has been published in various places, including Jacket, Poetry Scotland, and Action Yes. The South Bank Centre in London recorded his poem “The
Holiday I Never Had”: he can be heard reading it here. He lives in Newcastle, UK.